Baby Lau #2

i just realized i never do a proper announcement of we are expecting 2019 version here yet. So here it is~

13.2.2019

Did i mentioned i love giving my husband surprise, yup this year he get another one! Not sure he get bored of this trick already or not, but still i love seeing his 傻笑. So that day we went for a valentine lunch without Chloe during our Cny trip in KL, my sweet sister suggested to babysit Chloe so we can go hang out a little. My period was late just by a day but i got this instinct that might be something so went ahead to test it quietly that morning before the 2 still in bed and it turn out to be faint positive but still a positive right? So i proceed to take a photo and send it over during our lunch date.

His first response was laugh at the screen strangely then ask 几时?几时?what 几时?now lar baby in my tummy, i answered. Actually we are really surprised and couldn’t believe this happen so quickly. Basically it was first month we are finally ready to try after we just moved in to our new place, my friend say God want to give us house warming gift too! Okie, ill take it. Thank you God.

We proceed to let Chloe know after we reached home, she then announced herself to be a Che Che ask us to call her Chloe Che Che. Since we don’t know the gender so she go on and saying didi/mei mei instead of just baby and so many times people thought we are having a twin because she would go around and say i have didi/mei mei already! i’m a big che che now!

the said big che che

She’s been nothing but a blessing to us all this while, she has been very kind and gentle to me. She help me a lot too to pick up stuff on the floor, throw rubbish and running around fetching me stuff when i was struggling with morning sickness. She may be a very difficult and high need child since newborn but now she have grown up to be a very sensible and observant girl. I’m sure she will be good sister to our new addition in the family.

Now baby just grow and stay healthy in mummy tum tum k! We can’t wait to meet you on your edd!

To love of my life

Today is your birthday ever since we got Chloe your birthday always shared with Mother’s day. You’re always panicky asked me what i want
a few weeks before and running around to get me mother’s day gifts. I think you appreciate me more than a mother then a wife..haha no worries i’m secretly happy to be appreciated this way at least you see my effort as a mother. You don’t mind sharing the limelight because you’re always prefer to be low profile . So this year i researched a few restaurants to celebrate your birthday cum mother’s day and you picked Lawry’s The Prime Rib and it’s was a smart choice because they have Mother’s day 5 course meal!

He got the signature prime rib as main and mine was the lamb not sure when i love lamb so much every time we’re in a western restaurant i will go for lamb dish while Chloe had her first 3 course kid’s meal which she ate a lot. Everything was perfectly done and we are so full and stuff, super glad that my appetite is back!

my ohana, my everything

they also had this complimentary birthday cake so we end the dinner with 4 desserts on the table that we can’t finish it. Overall is a good dinner and my old-fashioned and practical husband love everything classic and this place fit his bill!

Finally feeling better to dress up and make up so must take a photo and we haven’t take any photo of the bump which Chloe insisted to join. We had a great night and good to feel normal and functional again!

Thanks dear husband, for all the love and sacrifices you provide to our little family. I couldn’t Thanks God enough for you as my husband because you’re perfect to me, you always made me feel safe, cherished and appreciated. You work so hard and never uttered a single complaint so i can stay home and focus on our child watch her grow, nurture her and witness every milestones. I’m always thankful for this opportunity to be able to live aboard so we could build our family on our own and learn to be independent although we some times feel hopeless and lonely without family or helps around but with you i know we will be able to go thru every challenges as a team/partners. You always so supportive and put our need/want at the very first place, during last few months of my early pregnancy you take up all the house chorus handle Chloe all by yourself and even bring her out alone every Saturday so i could rest at home and enjoy some quiet time.

As we are marching toward our 7 years of marriage, i pray to God to continue help us grow spiritually together and love unconditionally, be humble and gentle to each other and teach us to depend on God through every difficult moment we face together in future. Love you to moon and back!

Miscarriage worries

“You’re very fertility!” A Friend commented when she heard about my pregnancy. I would say that’s a very strange comment, yes I may be easily fertile but keeping a healthy pregnancy is the main issue for me and i think the most important part of all isn’t it?

indeed I got pregnant every year since 2017,2018 and then this year at the same timing if every pregnancy was succeed I could have 4 children now. However that’s not God’s plan for me, after 2 miscarriage I’ve been in constant worry. Worry I may have the another miscarriage again, that fear and panic attack is real whenever the thought came to my mind. I can’t do anything but pray harder and take good care of myself.

Life is fragile

Sometimes I feel the fear have steal the joy in pregnancy. It’s been tough to fight anxiety at times this pregnancy. It’s been tough to stay excited. It was tough to decide when to tell people. From a big fat positive on pregnancy kit to a healthy pregnancy to giving birth of a healthy child, it’s all works of God it’s a miracle and precious gift from above. Life can be really fragile in there you may just heard the assurance from gynae of you baby’s heartbeat the next visit you may go home with a bad news and grief the rest of your months.

The fear

I can’t imagine my life without faith and God’s word how long would I grieve after each miscarriage and how soon can I stand back up. Actually I don’t have the luxury of down time, I remembered having to continue my daily routine to take care of Chloe day after my first miscarriage, I had no help at all don’t say rest. Many pregnant women may be excited to visit gynae for ultra sound to get an update how’s baby doing but not for me, I dragged my feet to the hospital. I’m afraid the doctor expression changed after looking at the screen, the silence filled room, my heart sank, the tear rolling on my cheek quietly after doctor saw something unusual on screen. That’s my phobia, the scene I pray hard will not happen again. After months and years the memories of the heartache are still vivid.

His plan not mine

Miscarriage has changed me and taught me things. I know clearly that God alone is the one who creates and sustains life, and children are an undeserved, miraculous, and fragile gift no matter how much I try and do to protect the baby – God’s have His own plan.

God will give grace for the future according to His own timing and purpose. Every positive pregnancy test is a hope, and don’t lose hope.

This pregnancy had cross the important milestone of a healthy pregnancy at week 12 but still i’m still constantly in worry every single day. My gynae has been very positive and encouraging on last few appointment, promising is his first word. Heartbeat was strong and detailed scan on week 12 baby is really active and moving around even wave hi to us thru the screen but you don’t know what to expect for the next appointment especially for people like me who experience more than one miscarriage. So I don’t give high hope saying this could be our rainbow baby or blah blah just take it normal and go with the flow. Sometimes i hate myself for having so little faith i should just enjoy all these pregnancy moments and privileges instead of keep worry on things i can’t control but still…

that’s why i need God, He is my shelter whenever i’m weak.

Nesting

I’ve been resting and napping a lot during the days thanks to Ming who arrange school bus for Chloe, and Chloe who nap and cooperate really well every day. We started tingkat for dinner too so I have one less task to do – cooking dinner. Basically my day start with natural waking up in the morning, Ming will settle Chloe and sent her to school. After wash up and breakfast I start my work for 1-2 hour then rest then prepare simple lunch for Chloe and me. I feel grateful that that i decided to let go one of the job at early stage of my pregnancy because i’m surely can’t handle it looking at my severe all-day sickness now. I’ve been vomiting after every meals i can’t keep food down, no intention of eating or urge to eat, nausea and fatigue all day and all i wanted to do was to lay down and rest. Not to mentioned my bad backache start at week 8 it was so bad that standing up from siting position give me a hard time and the sharp pain i can’t really function luckily it stop at week 11. I feel so bloated but didn’t gain any weight till week 16 because of the lack of appetite and throwing up last till week 16 which is way longer than Chloe time. But i’ll take everything as long as baby is healthy.

Sickness

Caught the virus from Chloe another day before coming back from KL it was so bad even my mum got the virus, fever lasted 3 days then accompanied by some abdominal pain and developed some rashes for another 3 days. Again i’m in my worries stage that is baby doing okie with all this sickness? It is normal that i haven’t feel any kick or flutter? This pregnancy have not been smooth so far mostly because of aging and i didn’t take care of my body well last few year after Chloe born but all i can do is surrender the result to God. We are going to our scheduled check up with Prof Tee this Wednesday all i pray is baby is doing well in there.