Sleep Training

i dayre about this last week and today marked 12 days of our sleep training another 2 days we will be on our own without the sleep consultant!
actually i was against it when Chloe was 3 months read this i thought we should give whatever the baby wants because she need it 
secure, love, hug
secure as it nurse to sleep, love from co-sleeping, hug from carry her all the time
but when she grow older i realise it might not be the way if we never teach her to be independent she will never learn how to
and the main reason of not training her at that time was laziness..and i dont know how to do it correctly i don’t want to put her in any risk 
perhaps we did put her in a risk – SIDS. Because we co-sleep her having her in the middle of our tiny queen size bed with our heavy quilt cover is very dangerous when i think back
all this result her waking up more middle-of-the-night 
at 5 months 2 weeks she show no sign of sleep through the night till and it got worse she woke up every 2 to 3 hourly asking to be nurse..whereas she can drink 4 hourly in daytime, its was all the comfort sucking we are pretty sure about it
so we decide to go on sleep training
many say it’s cruel and unnecessary eventually she will wean off why put a tiny baby in a training? Cry!? letting her cry, seriously? you’re just a lousy mother that cannot deal with lack of sleep! 
and yes i can’t really take it anymore i slowly get really frustrated when i put her to sleep slowly i’ve develop a pattern okie is nap time let’s nurse until she sleep i tell you it can take FOREVER! sometimes she can have only 1 nap! good times she will have 2! but she will wake up God know how many times in one naps because she wake up seeing i’m not there..she can stay awake for 5 hours but really cranky and fussy about everything and wanting to be carry EVERY MINUTES! 
yes is close bonding and she really needs me.. but its not fun when you have no help at helper, no parents no one there to let you have a break or catch a breath! 
even when hubby is back from work he is willing to help me but the problems is evening was her most crankiest timing..(i reckon due to all the lack of nap in the daytime) she just refuse to let hub to carry her or play with her all she want is her milk bottle which is me 
really im exhausted..i’m weak physically too i fall sick every month be it mantis or down with flu..i look pale like zombie, no joke heavy dark eye circle, can’t stop losing weight no matter how much i eat, i’m worried for myself..if i fall really sick who is there to take care of her? who to latch her since she don’t take bottle?
 i once thought of going back to work may be better for me and her, sending her to infant care may works but i realise its me being irresponsible, i was the one who want to be SAHM so much, i was the one who decide to be with her in her early years but now i want to escape
yes all these are my confession that i never shared with anyone
so i prayed..i didn’t pray that much in my you can imagine how tough is motherhood to me haha
and i got an answer all these causes of lack of sleep for me, hubby and of course the poor baby 
and i still love her don’t worry
training was another tough one!To required so much patient and perseverance.. without prayers asking for wisdom and strength from God  we have been give up way at the beginning..
first 2 night we basically didn’t sleep at all.. she cry we soothe lay her down cry again soothe again and lay her down again- repeat xN times i tell you my back is gonna broke
second night was better shorter time to soothe her and third night she had her first STTN in her 5 months..although till now it haven’t happen again, hubby say that night was God’s grace because i was really sick so God let Chloe to sleep through and i got a good rest! Thanks God!
after 12 days of training these are her improvement
1. No more nurse to sleep she doesn’t rely on my boobs to fall asleep anymore once I sing her lullaby she will start yawning 
2. Daddy can now put her to sleep! Hopefully soon it will be anyone can do it 
3. Instead of waking up 2 to 3 hourly asking for feed in the night she now can have her milk 7-8 hour from her last feed! big big improvement although no SSTN but this was good enough! 
4. No more co-sleeping! she seems to know the crib is where she suppose to sleep now! 
5. She nap better too! Instead of waking very frequent in her 1-2 hour (wake up 4-5times cry when she realise no one around her) she now only wake up once or none in her 2 hour nap and easily fall back asleep!
6. My house can finally have some noise! My Friend commented “your house become library when baby sleep Hor!” Yes she wake up even a pin drop.. Now we can watch tv, cook and wash dishes without waking her up.. Thanks to white noise!
7. She is less cranky and fussy in her wake time..she play on her own flip non-stop and enjoy her toys! 
8. She’s on a better routine..she goes to nap every 1.5 to 2 hour for 1-2 hour nap and wake up cheerful and happy..bedtime she goes to bed at 7 or 8 depend her last nap..
We need to learn how to put her to nap when we’re out and thing we regret is
why don’t we do this earlier?!! 
although till today i still haven’t sleep enough but my longer stretch is now 5 hour not bad! i enjoy Chloe’s wake time more now as she doesn’t whine so much asking for attention i myself miss carrying her so i would carry her on and off throughout her play time! 
next friday we will be back to KL for chinese new year! another challenge of keeping her schedule with the folks around plus all the visiting..but i’m going to take it easy..*take a breath* let her enjoy her time with grandparents while taking enough rest to keep her cheerful self! wish us luck!
Parenting is indeed challenging, there’s a lot of self debate inside us but times will prove it correct or not..all we want is the best for our baby! 
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:6-9

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